Post by raths on Dec 20, 2010 23:16:29 GMT -6
December 01, 2013
The past few years have truly been the loneliest hours of my existence. I see that now as I reflect upon them, trapped in this oasis, this…allusion of security in which the last stand of the world will take place. I have never seen so many Angels and Deamons congregate in one spot before; just milling about, each waiting until the “safest” moment to make their move. Cowards, they are all cowards…but then they have always been so. Gah! How my heart yearns for the love which they spurned from me! I am as weak as them, in this loneliness. I have even begun to carry on slight conversation with the cacti and locust. I am truly a fool, going mad I believe! I have yet to speak with any of the risen…they are forbidden the slime of my words as it has always been. I now sympathize with Loki and Hades SPURNED from the glory in which they were accustomed! Betrayed by brothers and friends alike...
I must depart; I hear them moving once more. Advancing upon the town, their giggling rakes my nerves like claws on a chalkboard. I must check the traps.
December 07, 2013
I still feel the pain, when I reach deep in to my mind I can still feel his fingers…Forgive me! I still long for their touch! For his touch! For their understanding, for a moment…I still feel their eyes. The burning loath which bore into my back, all of them, they all took his side. I made a mistake! Was it not our lord’s way to forgive his people, repentance? Was I not one of his people, a shepherd of his flock? Yet their loathing eyes drowned the words in my throat. I was the first to fall since Lucifer…and in their eyes, their hateful spiteful little beady eyes; they were comparing me to him! THEY watched him slice me, and dice me, and cast me into the sky. They watched me fall…all of them! As if they were as pure in thought and mind, as if they were not awash in sin! VOW BREAKERS! Betrayers! How I HATE THEM, all of them and their high and mighty faces! How they look upon me now! They think I can’t see their stares as they fly by but I can I CAN I can see everything I seethem and theirhatefuleyes andtheirhatefulstaresastheyboreintothebackof my HEAD! I see them! I see my blood on THEIR WINGS! I SEE IT! I see them ALL, but I see himmostofall. HIM HIM HIM! I see himwhenIwalk, he was thereinFlorence, and in Orélans, and onthebeach, he was THERE! Icouldfeel his eyes, those crystal eyes, observingALWAYSeternallyobserving. Thescreams the DYING screams filteringtohim, and HE COULD fly AWAY, he could LEAVE, they ALL COULD LEAVE!!! Their wings!!! They belong to me!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Three pages of illegible scribble)
______________no. No. NO! I must not speak ill of them, I must regain control. It feeds the thoughts this rage, this blind and unimaginable rage. It is getting worse I fear the longer I remain, this loneliness only enhances its energy, but everyone is gone…and I am so unimaginably lonely. Flarne, Harriete, Nicholas, Jax, Albert, Marie, and even my dear Ester left me long ago. Has it truly come down to befriending cactuses? My writing has exhausted me, I need to rest a bit before I greet the dawn. Until…
December 09, 2013
Again today I was filled with the rage; it has never come twice in one month let alone a week. I am trekking inward toward the town; I fear I have no option left in this fight. But I can feel them; you cannot imagine the sensation of knowing they are there. You simply cannot imagine…
December 13, 2013
It’s a Friday today; I can imagine the joy on the faces of the demons. Scurrying about, doing their masters business; though my hate of them has eased…I know not why. Nicholas used to close his shop on Fridays; we would play chess and dance for hours. He taught me to dance as I had never danced before! Oh, the joy of leaping into the air, it was flight without wings! It was one of the best times of my life. I never once experienced its infliction while in his company. My dear, dear Nicholas. As I write this I am resting in what I am affectionately calling my “house.” In all technicalities I have no claim to this mound of brick and mortar, but it has working plumbing and a few old pieces of forgotten furniture. For now, it has a roof. It is my own unique sanctuary, cold as the ice.
I did not wish to speak of it, but I fear that if I don’t it will only become stronger and the cacti don’t seem to care what I say anymore. It has come to me once more since I last wrote, and I do not remember the past 2 days. I fear for what I accomplished, what I did, what I thought, what THEY saw, what HE SAW! I simply fear. I keep this journal hidden as I have no pencil, and I worry that when it comes I may destroy this life line. I cannot be sure that I will not remember its location, but I have to try. I do not wish to leave the memory of those times in ink.
As for everything else, it is as it is. I am low on food, and my boots are wearing thin. I would very much like a hoho right about now. Damn those fake chocolate rolls of fat, I am really craving one right about now. Perhaps the traps will yield today, they have been bare. The demons are coming closer in the night; maybe they will have a box of hoho’s.
January 15, 2014
It is been nearly a month since I last wrote, since I last existed within this plane of thought. I had lost my Journal, this wonderful thing, this last tie to the world and to what is left of my mind. I believe it is the only thing that keeps me sane; these words, these will be my legacy…as I have nothing left to give. All that I ever had is gone since Abandon rained its fire on the shoulders of Atlas himself, and the world shook in response. But you know that, you know everything don't you. Can't deny me, you can't deny what I know you are, but fear me not for my loyalty lies within those who watch your choir. It came upon me, that is all I know. Suddenly and swiftly, or I am simply too far gone to notice its happenings.
One second I was sitting, listening to the sorrowful songs of the lonely birds, and the next I was face down in the middle of the brush land. Seven days. Seven days. Is this a sign to me, is it you who curses my existence?
Is it you?
I know not.
The past few years have truly been the loneliest hours of my existence. I see that now as I reflect upon them, trapped in this oasis, this…allusion of security in which the last stand of the world will take place. I have never seen so many Angels and Deamons congregate in one spot before; just milling about, each waiting until the “safest” moment to make their move. Cowards, they are all cowards…but then they have always been so. Gah! How my heart yearns for the love which they spurned from me! I am as weak as them, in this loneliness. I have even begun to carry on slight conversation with the cacti and locust. I am truly a fool, going mad I believe! I have yet to speak with any of the risen…they are forbidden the slime of my words as it has always been. I now sympathize with Loki and Hades SPURNED from the glory in which they were accustomed! Betrayed by brothers and friends alike...
I must depart; I hear them moving once more. Advancing upon the town, their giggling rakes my nerves like claws on a chalkboard. I must check the traps.
December 07, 2013
I still feel the pain, when I reach deep in to my mind I can still feel his fingers…Forgive me! I still long for their touch! For his touch! For their understanding, for a moment…I still feel their eyes. The burning loath which bore into my back, all of them, they all took his side. I made a mistake! Was it not our lord’s way to forgive his people, repentance? Was I not one of his people, a shepherd of his flock? Yet their loathing eyes drowned the words in my throat. I was the first to fall since Lucifer…and in their eyes, their hateful spiteful little beady eyes; they were comparing me to him! THEY watched him slice me, and dice me, and cast me into the sky. They watched me fall…all of them! As if they were as pure in thought and mind, as if they were not awash in sin! VOW BREAKERS! Betrayers! How I HATE THEM, all of them and their high and mighty faces! How they look upon me now! They think I can’t see their stares as they fly by but I can I CAN I can see everything I seethem and theirhatefuleyes andtheirhatefulstaresastheyboreintothebackof my HEAD! I see them! I see my blood on THEIR WINGS! I SEE IT! I see them ALL, but I see himmostofall. HIM HIM HIM! I see himwhenIwalk, he was thereinFlorence, and in Orélans, and onthebeach, he was THERE! Icouldfeel his eyes, those crystal eyes, observingALWAYSeternallyobserving. Thescreams the DYING screams filteringtohim, and HE COULD fly AWAY, he could LEAVE, they ALL COULD LEAVE!!! Their wings!!! They belong to me!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Three pages of illegible scribble)
______________no. No. NO! I must not speak ill of them, I must regain control. It feeds the thoughts this rage, this blind and unimaginable rage. It is getting worse I fear the longer I remain, this loneliness only enhances its energy, but everyone is gone…and I am so unimaginably lonely. Flarne, Harriete, Nicholas, Jax, Albert, Marie, and even my dear Ester left me long ago. Has it truly come down to befriending cactuses? My writing has exhausted me, I need to rest a bit before I greet the dawn. Until…
December 09, 2013
Again today I was filled with the rage; it has never come twice in one month let alone a week. I am trekking inward toward the town; I fear I have no option left in this fight. But I can feel them; you cannot imagine the sensation of knowing they are there. You simply cannot imagine…
December 13, 2013
It’s a Friday today; I can imagine the joy on the faces of the demons. Scurrying about, doing their masters business; though my hate of them has eased…I know not why. Nicholas used to close his shop on Fridays; we would play chess and dance for hours. He taught me to dance as I had never danced before! Oh, the joy of leaping into the air, it was flight without wings! It was one of the best times of my life. I never once experienced its infliction while in his company. My dear, dear Nicholas. As I write this I am resting in what I am affectionately calling my “house.” In all technicalities I have no claim to this mound of brick and mortar, but it has working plumbing and a few old pieces of forgotten furniture. For now, it has a roof. It is my own unique sanctuary, cold as the ice.
I did not wish to speak of it, but I fear that if I don’t it will only become stronger and the cacti don’t seem to care what I say anymore. It has come to me once more since I last wrote, and I do not remember the past 2 days. I fear for what I accomplished, what I did, what I thought, what THEY saw, what HE SAW! I simply fear. I keep this journal hidden as I have no pencil, and I worry that when it comes I may destroy this life line. I cannot be sure that I will not remember its location, but I have to try. I do not wish to leave the memory of those times in ink.
As for everything else, it is as it is. I am low on food, and my boots are wearing thin. I would very much like a hoho right about now. Damn those fake chocolate rolls of fat, I am really craving one right about now. Perhaps the traps will yield today, they have been bare. The demons are coming closer in the night; maybe they will have a box of hoho’s.
January 15, 2014
It is been nearly a month since I last wrote, since I last existed within this plane of thought. I had lost my Journal, this wonderful thing, this last tie to the world and to what is left of my mind. I believe it is the only thing that keeps me sane; these words, these will be my legacy…as I have nothing left to give. All that I ever had is gone since Abandon rained its fire on the shoulders of Atlas himself, and the world shook in response. But you know that, you know everything don't you. Can't deny me, you can't deny what I know you are, but fear me not for my loyalty lies within those who watch your choir. It came upon me, that is all I know. Suddenly and swiftly, or I am simply too far gone to notice its happenings.
One second I was sitting, listening to the sorrowful songs of the lonely birds, and the next I was face down in the middle of the brush land. Seven days. Seven days. Is this a sign to me, is it you who curses my existence?
Is it you?
I know not.